Q Everyone keeps telling me I should be grateful. I’m healthy and the baby is healthy. . . isn’t that all that matters?
A A common response from well-meaning people. But a “healthy” mum also means one who is healthy emotionally. Of COURSE you are grateful for your baby¹s safe arrival – that goes without saying. Feeling empty, angry, sad or distressed is a NORMAL response to being in a situation where you felt afraid, powerless or unacknowledged. You may need support to be able to move through this experience so you can let the happiness and love for your child out, and be the best mum you can be.
Q I’m not sure if my birth was bad enough to need support. Other women have had way worse things happen in their births.
A It’s not about ‘who’s had the worst birth’ – we find that most women who have fallout after a bad birth are responding to similar feelings they experienced during the birth, regardless of the circumstances. If you felt confused, unable to ask questions, frightened,or unacknowledged during the birth or in the postnatal period…then you may need support. Regardless of whether you and your child are healthy now.
Q Can I feel bad about my birth and still love my baby?
A Yes, yes, yes! You can feel distressed and angry with HOW your child arrived, at the same time as feeling JOY at THE FACT your baby has arrived. They are separate events. Your sadness at the way the birth went does NOT reflect your feelings about your baby. It is ok to be sad, angry, & upset. And it is ok to let your feelings of love for your baby out. They are there…but may be hidden under layers of grief or trauma.
Q What if it was so bad I don’t want any more kids?
A An understandable response, given what you have been through. Some women find making peace with a bad birth allows them to embrace the possibility of another child . Other women find healing allows them to enjoy the family they already have, even more.
Go to Planning a Positive VBAC
Go to info about our Healing From Birth meetings in Brisbane