My First Birth
My first baby was born by emergency caesarean. I was thrilled to have a happy healthy baby boy, but felt a certain feeling of loss and failure and it was NOTHING like I had imagined. The aftermath of this experience left me with feelings of uselessness, incapability and despair. It was a beautiful time but it was not how I had imagined it and I felt guilty for feeling like this since I was holding a beautiful healthy child. Shouldn’t I just feel grateful?
When I fell pregnant with my second child, I was shocked to be met with the obstacles and apprehension about whether or not I could have a vaginal birth. This time around I had an obstetrician, thinking that this would give me more personalized care. This was not the case. My obstetrician was telling me that “my first baby was big, so chances are this would be too and that probably wouldn’t be able to deliver and that I was already behind the 8 ball so don’t get my hopes up”, He also had no room for leniency – I was booked in for a caesarean if I reached 41 weeks.
Birthtalk was pivotal
A good friend put me on to Birthtalk – I was determined to guide this next birth along a better path. I wanted to make the right decisions for the right reasons. Attending Birthtalk was a pivotal point for myself and particularly my husband. Birthtalk was a wealth of knowledge and support and I found the meetings somewhat addictive! I gained knowledge to face my fears and restore my belief in my birthing body. I learned more than I could have read about what our bodies instinctively do during labour and how letting go and surrendering to what was happening devoid of interruptions is the best and most efficient way to labour.
A change of plans
Finally I decided (at 33 weeks) that I needed to leave my obstetrician and go through a midwifery system for my best chance for a VBAC. I also asked Deb to be my doula, and I cannot speak highly enough of her during the last few months.
Restoring my faith
Birthtalk has not only restored my faith in birth and womens’ birthing abilities, but brought them to a new level. I learned so much about hormones and how our bodies work, plus it helped me use visualization in my labour that I believe was the reason I didn’t feel scared and thus had a smooth labour. We are more powerful and intuitive than we know and it helped me to question Doctors and midwives and steer my labour to where I wanted it to go.
An empowering second birth
I went into spontaneous labour 5 days past my due date. As in my first birth I had quite strong Braxton Hicks for weeks leading up to the birth. So when I woke up this evening around 3am I got up and walked around to be sure. The next one was strong, and I had to breathe a bit to get through it. Along with it came a surge of adrenalin. We called Deb and she said she would be here in 1 hour. After another 2 contractions, each decidedly stronger, I called Deb back to ask her to hurry! At 4.30am with Deb and my husband by my side I felt pushy! The next contraction my waters broke, or rather exploded! I used a lot of visualization, breathing and deep noises to help me through each contraction. By the time we got to the hospital I was full of confidence and more than ready to have my little baby! I still get chills thinking about that final moment when I saw my baby enter the world. In the days and weeks to follow I felt calm, confident and very bonded with Lola.
Having a Doula
Having a doula was great, better than great. Deb was instrumental in giving me the right tools to make all the right decisions for me to make my labour the best it could be. It was very reassuring to have her there in case things didn’t go as planned, so I could focus on my job at hand, Dylan could focus on me and Deb was really there for both of us. Deb is my birthing hero, she is knowledgeable, compassionate and an absolute rock. I can’t thank her enough.
When I think about Lola’s birth I have feelings of warmth, safeness, excitement and strength. It is a thrilling and overwhelming moment that I am forever grateful for experiencing.